According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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