now i know why i became what i already was.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
