Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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