i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
