I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
