I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize