Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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