Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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