I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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