I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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