oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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