He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He shit in the fireplace
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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