He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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