i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
