Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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