barbara walters just said penis...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
