would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
