At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
