I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
