check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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