Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize