Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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