the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
