Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
