Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
