You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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