I faked an abortion last night.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
