You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
