well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
