She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
