the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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