I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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