There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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