im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
