I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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