I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
