By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize