i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize