I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
