I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
