We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
