yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
