Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
