Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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