I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize