omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
