And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
