Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
