I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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