I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize