They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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