Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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