I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
