U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
