No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
