i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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