I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
