You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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