How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
