That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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