I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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