I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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