summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
