i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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