when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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