ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is my gift to your gina
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
