Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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