i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
