make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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