is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
