The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
