you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
