Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize